TALKING ABOUT HOW FAITH AND THE POWER OF THE MIND CAN RESTORE HEALTH AND HEAL ~ WITH AMENALA NEAHRU
Hi Amenala can you tell us about yourself? A small town in Western Maryland, Australia was where I called home for my first twenty-five years before travelling. Child of an unstable and abusive household who had a very loving and amazing Grandmother. Abandoned by my father repeatedly until recently when I finally let the unhealthy relationship float away. Healed a traumatic past with my mum. Now we’re sharing a journey of life as women and friends. I consider my cultural heritage to be of Irish/Austrian and Native American lineage.
Describing what my life looks like now is more of real life rags to riches story. Homeless and unable to work for the better part of two years, I have been living in a Baltimore, Maryland shelter off and on for the last three months. Now, I’m house sitting in a million dollar Maui condo with epic views and driving a Mercedes-Benz about town. Never in a million years did I think this would ever happen; let alone being flown to Phoenix at the end of the month for an amazing job opportunity. Talk about a dream life! You left Australia to move to Hawaii, what were the circumstances that underpinned that decision? The easy answer: Honolulu was the cheapest ticket out of Australia but that fails to honour the greater universe working to seed Hawai’i as my final destination. When I left it was only to be a temporary departure where I’d WOOF (work on organic farms) a few months, save some funds and return for a wedding later that year but God had other plans. Early in 2008 I withdrew from a Teaching and Education graduate course then applied for year long visitor visa to continue my volunteer work with women.
A friend mentioned this place called Kalani on the Big Island and thought I might like it. Fast forward a month or two during a lunch and the thought of going to Hawai’i popped into my head. Checked out the prices and Honolulu is the cheapest ticket leaving Melbourne. Waiting for the transaction to complete my mum rings to tell me how neighbours, knowing of my situation, suggested “I go to Hawai’i. Talk about validation from the universe!
So you're currently living in Hawaii, tell us about it? For the better part of seven years Hawai’i in general and Maui in particular has been my home. Fun fact: Hawai’i is not part of the United States as taught in American schools because there was never a legal treaty of annexation. Maui is home to everyone from hungry developers only interested in making the most money, to spiritually minded individuals who feel the mana (energy) of the aina (land) the connection to Pele. As in life it has a lot to do with focus and perception. Where attention goes energy flows.
Employment is centred around tourism and hospitality. The cost of living is one of the highest in the country and so is the homeless population because affordable housing, like the once prominent Native Hawaiians, has become a diluded memory.
Those who share the true Hawaiian spirit have one thing in common; ALOHA, the Breath of Life. A respect for everything on the aina from Mauka (mountain) to Makai (ocean). There is an interconnection of nature which sustains the ohana (family/community) and therefore it is our kuleana (responsibility) to be both stewards and protectors of this sacred place.
Maui holds a special place in my heart. One I can return to whenever I need to be replenished, restored and brought back to centre. Living here long term is far from feasible given my medical situation. The health care is very poor for those living on island and the one hospital has numerous accounts of deaths, injury and negligence which is the ONE reason I choose, or in some regards was forced, to leave this magical place.
Which brings us to your accident. You recently had a life altering accident which resulted in operations and a lengthy stay in hospital. Can you tell us about it? Hell on Earth that I would not wish on any living creature is the short answer. The original accident was in March of 2014 when I slipped on water and landed on hard tile. The resulting injury was a torn ACL and spinal compression at the L5-S1 region of my back. That injury, however, even with continued complaints was not diagnosed until mid November of 2014.
During that time I continued working and living life to the best of my ability until it got to a point where my daily life was drastically affected. When I did finally see a doctor she informed me I needed surgery but first had to endure the arduous process of getting seen by the ONLY neurosurgeon on the island who typically had a three month wait list. She also suggested I fly to California to have the procedure done rather than in Maui but there was zero chance of that happening when working paycheck to paycheck.
It would take at least a month before they could see me, even though I had good insurance and my case was urgent, so the doctor prescribed pain meds and sent me back to work. She never mentioned how severe my injury was or that my spine was compressed into a 4cm space. In the medical community that typically means paralyzed but I was completely unaware that my body shouldn’t be “able” to walk. I did what I had to do like many other people every day.
I continued to walk at snail’s pace stopping every few feet, fireworks shot down my right leg and numbness covered almost all of my hamstring. There was no position or medicine that would relieve the excruciating 20 plus pain level. This continued until I could only crawl to the bathroom and then being unable to wait any longer I admitted myself into hospital. Numerous nurses were blown away by my condition and commented, “how are you even walking?” All I can say is the mind is a powerful tool.
Surgery one was a huge success with zero complications. Every doctor and specialist who saw me said the same thing, “you need to go to a rehab facility”. Needing a month of support made total sense. What also makes sense is loosing both my job and my apartment. Ten days post surgery, when I should’ve been in a rehabilitation facility not the hospital, while taking a shower the bench partially came out of the wall as I sat down. After this happened I was left alone, wet, hurting, scared and afraid on my bed and in the instant I sat down felt shooting pains again and knew something was wrong.
My doctor didn’t believe me and suggested it was a sprain and to give it a few days. The shooting pain never abated nor did the feeling of being impaled vertically by a tree when ever I stood up. It didn’t matter. The nurses forced me to walk at least once if not twice a day in this condition. The last night was particularly memorable as I didn’t quite make the bathroom. The nurse thought she was helpful by saying something along the lines of, “There are worse places to have that happen at least you’re in a hospital.” After five days of agonizing pain I begged for another MRI. What it showed was that the bounce/twist reaction caused a large chunk of vertebrae to dislodge and embed itself itself in the surgery site and so another emergency surgery for later than night was scheduled.
Waking up I knew something was wrong. Numbness from my waist all the way down the back of my right leg and foot. Prior to the ‘twist ‘n bounce’ I was walking well but that had drastically been reduced due to impalement sensation. Now, I could barely walk period. The staff didn’t like that one bit because all they were interested in was getting me out of there as quickly as possible. I am one smart educated worldly person who grew up within the hospital world. My mother was a nurse and father a radiologist, therefore, the hospital was a very normal place for me to be growing up and I had a certain criteria for treatment.
However, my stay in hospital was combined with less than adequate, negligent, uncaring, hurtful and unprofessional actions being directed at myself and other patients which became the 10th ring of hell. This proved difficult for my recovery and was compounded with the reluctance to find me adequate rehabilitation facilities. I remained in hospital another two months with many disturbing experiences, cases of verbal abuse and withholding medication among others.
During that time I lost a dear friend who was a fellow patient due to their incompetence. She died the day I was escorted out by security guards who did not allow me up to see either her or her family in ICU who had become like extended family. Thus began my two year road of recovery.
How has your recovery been? It has been the hardest two years of my life. I’ve gone from being an independent, happy, active, employed person to a homeless, unemployed, very differently abled person. Now to someone who has come out the other side; making strides to rediscover who she is and what she is able to offer the world.
Physically my right leg is still numb. It may be a permanent thing just have to wait and see. When patients are homeless they are unable to receive either rehabilitation or physical therapy. Last year I experienced some of the darkest places and considered antidepressants because I was truly unsure how my life would get any better.
Up until the end of January I was using a cane and could only walk around a small convenience store or the occasional Costco loop. Eventually I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. I put my mind to work and over the past seven months my walking distance has increased out of sheer necessity. When you are homeless carrying your bags everywhere every day tends to drain the body, mind and spirit.
The upside? Having recently been able to do yoga for the first time since well before my surgery. I have attempted to find a job to see if I am am capable of doing work but been unsuccessful. Recently I was offered a position at an upscale resort as a Front Desk Agent. Standing up for long periods of time has been an issue in the past but I am hoping my body has healed enough to allow me this victory. Every day my body gets stronger and every day my faith gets deeper.
What does your health look like at present? Doing the best with what I have every day I’m alive. I can either focus on the aspects still lacking such as feeling in my right leg or I can focus on how far I’m now able to walk. My health fluxuates. My weight has been a challenge to stabilize. Much of the food homeless people are given is white, processed, sugary food with fruits and vegetables being practically non-existent. This increases other health related problems like obesity and diabetes. Mentally, the episodes of depression and PTSD are better. In all honesty, being back in Maui has presented some triggers as has this interview but I view them as healing opportunities.
I did spend a day at Sinai Hospital in June where the head neurosurgeon informed me of what I already knew, I had a future need for another fusion, this time L4-L5 instead of L5-S1. However, he also offered me another procedure called an ALIF which increases the overall height of my missing vertebrae. The catch is this must be done AFTER I find stable housing because there is no point in going through it if I am unable to receive proper treatment or rehabilitation but instead go right back to a shelter; carrying my bags around with me everywhere. So I have chosen to focus on what I can do in the present moment and look to a bright future with hopes that taking it a day at a time things will continue to get stronger and healthier.
is there any advice you can give someone overcoming an experience such as yours? Remember to breathe. Many forget but breathing is a necessity. Without it we would all be dead.
It is easy to get overwhelmed. Especially when you spend every waking minute simply trying to survive, trying to keep yourself physically, mentally and emotionally safe, when you are having to keep yourself afloat when the rip tide of life pulls you away from shore.
It is easy to get caught up in what was and thereby what’s not any longer. It’s easy to think your identity is gone and the life you knew is over. I know all too well that life can be painful. However, every day you wake up on this bright green ball of Earth be Thankful. Know there are those who have it worse than you. Those who may be in more pain, have less resources, less support, who live in dangerous areas of the world or who have zero health care. Consider that and then make the most out of it whatever “the most” is for you.
Get out in nature (if you can) even if all you do is sit, breathe and listen. Nature heals.
‘You can do anything’ isn’t some foofoo hippy quote to make you feel better. It’s truth. If you love running or skateboarding or surfing but lost a leg, guess what, you can still do those things. Yes there will be a period of readjustment and yes it will be different but if you only focus on what was, you’ll never be present to what IS. What is is LIFE. Be thankful every day. Even when everything appears to be falling apart around you and the walls are caving in you are alive. Many people never woke up this morning. Our bodies can do amazing things but sometimes we allow our minds to get in the way. Yes, doctors, friends and family members know “some things” but they don’t have “all the answers”. Listen to what they have to say, breathe and then MAKE YOUR OWN DECISION. You are stronger than you think. Again not another simplistic quote but an earth shattering foundational reality. Remember, the strongest metals are forged in the hottest fires and our minds can be used as either powerful tools to help or weapons to hurt us. Pain happens. Pain is pain. Our minds tell us whether it’s good or bad. Quiet the mind and change your story.
Life is made up of A to B moments. That’s it. A to B. Easy. Everyone can do A to B. The minute you start moving to C G M or god forbid Z that’s when the wobble starts. Refocus and start moving from an A to a B.
Finally, don’t freak out and try swimming against that rip tide. It always wins as does life. So Relax. Breathe. Float. Stay calm because just like life rip tides will ALWAYS bring you back to shore. Simply have faith and trust in the cycles of life and God’s plan even when you may not understand them. Instead focus on what’s important. BREATHING. What are your passionate about?
Humanity, nature, baking, spirituality, meditation, helping others. Having been in these situations, having gone through this journey, having seen and experienced what I have there is a kuleana (responsibility) to grow a community of enriched, empowered and joyful people. Help get homeless women out of the system instead of making them prisoners of it. I am currently working on a number of NonProfit pilot projects aimed at housing, job opportunities and safe spaces which I hope with blossom into a nation wide program of collaborative solutions and effective changes.
What advice would you give to someone who is considering moving to another part of the world?
Having been blessed during this life with opportunities to live in a few different countries I believe it is crucial to travel and even more vital to live in another part of the world from where you were born and raised because it provides a richer, more in depth experience and sense of truth than any whirlwind tour can offer. People still work, go to school, have relationships, take public transportation and get into arguments but how they view, accept and interact with their daily condition is certainly different. Living abroad challenges your perspective, your held beliefs and your known experiences but allows you to grow in a way that remaining in your hometown, state or country can never achieve. Feel the fear and do it anyway. You get one chance and one chance only so make it a good one. Live life and then share your stories.
Amenala
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